Where For Art Thou, Coffee Guy?

After the Mr. Pickles fiasco, I came home and released my frustrations out on my babysitter and her daughter. I was still in shock that I had spent the evening, completely oblivious to the fact that I was in the presence of Mr. Pickles. Had I known such craziness, I would have never stuck around. I will never get the smell of dill pickles out of my nostrils as long as I live. From this day forward, pickles and Mr. Pickles will always go hand in hand, and not in a pleasant visual.

So, my babysitter encouraged me to reach out to coffee guy again. Her advice was to essentially yell at him for bailing on our date, but that would be mean. Who cares? I was so beyond aggravated at this point. So, I took to my cell phone and began my texting rampage, bombarding him with my "You know, if you didn't want to go to out with me, that's all you had to say (blah blah blah)" text message, not expecting any kind of response. Boy, was I wrong!

He was shocked at my reaction, though guess who responded quite promptly to my angered tone? Mmhmm, go figure. He explained that he was quite sick and had assumed I would understand he would not be able to go out because he was "under the weather." We are women. We need things written out for us in black in white. If you are so sick that you have to cancel a date, then say "I'm sorry I must bail on the insane amount of fun I know we were meant to have tonight. Would you be kind enough to let me reschedule my evening with you?" How sweet that sounds. Men wouldn't come off as such jerks if they'd use carefully phrased sentences, meant to coddle and stroke our egos.

However, if you just aren't interested, kindly proceed with a sweet, but to the point break-up line. For example, "I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you, but I've decided that I'm just not ready to pursue anything serious at this time. I hope we can still be friends." Then he will wink at you and hope you can read minds because when he says friends he means friends, but if he's cute enough, you'll give him the benefits. Otherwise, tell that boy to kick rocks because he's probably a tool!

I ruined everything with Coffee Guy. I let my insecurities ruin what we could have had. I wanted so desperately to be with him. We had an insane connection, one I hadn't shared with anyone in almost three years. It was a magical feeling and I had hoped it would turn into something special and long term. Instead, I found myself alone once again. He told me that my textual freak out did just that--freak him the hell out! Go figure. A girl's mind is a scary place. Proceed with caution, preferably with a shotgun and a flashlight. You never know what you will find. It's even more frightening when it has not stimulated in over three hours by a text message or phone call from the potential "love prospect." Guys should grasp the concept that depriving a girl of that contact and reassurance does nothing but drive a girl crazy! Yet, they wonder why we get all psycho and needy!

That was my problem. I had become that girl. I had become extremely emotionally attached and invested to Coffee Guy because we had connected on an emotional level so quickly. We had so much in common and could talk nonstop for hours on the phone without a dull moment. I liked him, a lot! I didn't expect it to end, but when I didn't hear from him, I became that girl--the needy girl that required the constant reassurance to know he was still interested. You see, I have do this with relationships. I allow myself to feel vulnerable and finally start to remove those bricks I've spent so many years adding to my wall of trust. As soon as I begin to feel comfortable and see a glimmer of a hope with a new guy, it comes crashing down.

Didn't Coffee Guy know that I liked him? I wanted him to see my big heart and the love and affection I wanted to share with him. Most of all, I wanted him to want me back. Sure, there are plenty of guys that wanted me, but I thought Coffee Guy was different. I thought he wanted me as a person, but it seems I ruined that, if he ever actually wanted that. I guess I'll never know. I hate not having the answers, but what fun would that be? Gosh, my blogs would be so boring if I had all the answers. All I know is what I've experienced and so far that's been forty-year-old creepers wanting to dominate me, pickle eating weirdos, zit popping prudes, and hypocritical nymphomaniacs.

Will I ever find a man that wants me for what I have to offer, emotionally and mentally? My heart yearns for a man that will love the parts of me that I have grown to love. At times, I let those character defects surface, but all I can do is try to persevere and grow with my partner. When I meet a man who is willing to look past my little, annoying quirks and see through to my soul and accept all that I am and all that I have the potential to be, that is when this blog will have a fairytale ending. My heart has been tattered and torn throughout the years. I don't know how much more of this pain it can endure. It took me months to get over Coffee Guy. I still think about him from time to time and always wonder what if? Our chemistry was so amazing, it's still hard to believe nothing ever came out of it. I'll always a small place in my heart for Coffee Guy because he taught me a lot about myself. I've learned to leave guys alone. If they are interested, they'll get a hold of you. It's a lot easier said than done, but if you don't wanna lose em, snooze em! They'll get back to you. If it's meant to be, it'll be. They won't stay gone long... if they want to be with you, that is. Guess you gotta just wait and see and that's the hardest part.

Don't worry, I didn't wait very long. Get ready to meet our newest bachelor, a man I like to call "Magic."