Coffee Guy

After my two failed attempts at finding love, the time has come to introduce you to a man who has managed to turn my world upside down and continues to do so to do this day. I found a man on Match.com I refer to as "Coffee Guy."

He was very attractive--brown hair, tan skin, beautiful brown eyes, thirty-two years old but didn't look a day over twenty-seven. He worked in the entertainment industry, so he was often too busy to respond to my text messages, or so he led me to believe. Coffee guy and I actually began our interaction the first day of my little online dating adventure. We had arranged to get coffee together because we are members of a group, perhaps you've heard of it, called Starbucks Anonymous and we decided to relapse and be bad together. However, he was always so busy working with his "celebrities" that I never heard from him, though it did earn him the nickname of "coffee guy."

After two weeks of no contact, I had moved on and reached out to other prospects to no avail. Randomly, I received a text message from him--something like "Hey stranger, what's up?" Completely indifferent, I texted back and and asked him where he'd been and why he hadn't stayed in contact. He explained that he had been ever so busy on the set of a shoot for 50 cent and some guy from MTV who was doing an interview with him at 50's house. He sent me pictures of 50 cent and his cars. I felt quite special to be talking to a man who was in the presence of 50 cent, let alone sharing dinner with him. When the shoot ended, he called me (approximately 11:45 p.m.). We talked until almost three a.m., without a dull moment in sight. It felt amazing to finally find a guy who understood me. I told him about the baby daddy and his drama, as well as the heartbreak Mr. Disney caused. Why, you ask? Because I'm a fool that needs a filter.

We continued to talk every day and all night, into the wee hours of the morning, without a dull moment in our conversations. He was smart, and "hip" and I was able to keep up with his sarcastic humor. I tend to not be a very funny person, so I was quite impressed with my ability to even the playing field with my quick witted comebacks. Again, I felt as though "this is it, this is the one." We lived happily ever after. Ha, that'd be nice. So, we rescheduled our date for a Friday evening after happy hour with my coworkrs. He was going to take me to dinner and drinks and then go from there. While at happy hour, I receive a text message from him saying that he was at the hospital because his brother needed surgery on his back and he was going to have to cancel. Bartender, drink please! I must have the most rotten luck in the world, I swear. Trying to hide my disappoint, I told him that I hoped his brother got better and that I was there if he needed anything.

I reluctantly went home and got my children ready for bed. My friend and her daughter were over, so I cried to them with my disappointed sobs and "woe is me" speech. Trying to remain relatively positive, I made a cup of tea and tucked into bed with my Ipad and watched a little Netflix to ease my mind. A good, soppy love story would ease my mind. As I lay in bed crying over how perfect Leonardo DiCaprio is, or should I Jack Dawson, and how badly I wished I could find such a man, my phone rang and it was Coffee Guy. I looked at the clock and it was two a.m. He must really like these late night phone calls, I thought to myself. He sincerely apologized for having to cancel our date and spent the next twenty minutes reassuring me that he is not an asshole or a flake and really did want to see me. Jokingly, considering the time, I said "Well, come see me then." He said, "Okay, how do I get there?" Shocked and doubtful, though not willing to let this opportunity to pass me by, I gave him the address and less than thirty minutes later, he knocked on my door. I was beyond excited, though I looked like a wreck. My hair a mess, my baggy sweatpants and sleep shirt, what on earth would this man find attractive in me? "You look beautiful," he said, and my heart skipped a beat.

We sat out back on the porch and talked for an hour or so, getting to know each other better and testing our newfound chemistry. It was perfect. He was as sweet as he sounded on the phone and even hotter than his pictures. He had the cutest smile, a sly little grin. He could tell I was nervous and put his hand on mine, telling me that it was okay and he wasn't like the other guys in my past. He said he wasn't there for "one thing", that he just wanted to spend time getting to know me. Where on earth did I find such a sweetheart?

We went inside and put on a movie--I Am Legend. Yes, here we go again with the movies. I need to start listening to my own advice. No More Movies! There was no watching of this movie, though I had seen it before, so didn't really mind. We laid on the couch, his arm around me, my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating and feel the warmth radiating from his body, even through his shirt. I liked him. I really liked him. I hadn't felt this much of a connection with someone in years, if ever. I wouldn't let this one slip away. I looked up at him and he flashed that pretty grin. Then it happened. He put his hand on my cheek, pulled me close to him, and put his lips to mine. It was magic. The spark they always talk about it--I felt it and what a feeling it is. I have never felt more desired in my life. In that moment, I knew that I had feelings for this guy that I didn't think were able to surface as quickly as they had. He did not attempt to sleep with me that night, nor did he even bring up the subject. He held me in his arms, ran his fingers through my hair, kissed my head, and made love to my lips. If ever there was a fairytale date, that would have been mine.

He stayed until six a.m. when my children woke up. He said he would text me later after he woke up. I was incredibly giddy, running on nearly one hour of sleep for the rest of the day. I didn't mind. I just had the night I had been waiting for my entire life--the life changing moment when you realize what it means to be treated with respect. When you finally feel that, it changes. When you begin to trust that a man wants you for something more than his own personal gratification, you feel special and worth something. That night, I felt like a princess finally worthy of a good man and a good man I had found. Could this be it?

New York

Still reeling from my heartbreak Mr. Disney felt the need to instill upon me, I decided to give it another go. This time I would not allow myself to fall for the charm and good looks. I would choose a wise and humble man. Well, it sounded like a good concept, right? I thought so too, until Match.com introduced me to a man I like to call New York.


Well, maybe just his arms...



New York was a very large man and when I say large, I mean muscular. I don't think he knew what a neck is because he didn't have one. He was so big. His arms were huge and that is when I discovered my hidden "big arm" fetish. I guess you had to see them. Again, I told myself that I would not fall for the stereotypical good looking, egotistical man that would surely break my heart. However, I being the desperate and somewhat shallow girl that I am, initiated the interaction via the website's "wink" system and let him know that I was interested.

Shortly after the contact, I received a wink back. Cue the self-sabotage. Before I was to pursue this relationship any further, I decided it best to consult with my coworkers. I showed them his picture and how sweet he seemed. He was thirty-two, originally from New York (hence the nickname), a football fanatic, loved the Food Show Network (so do I, even though I'm a terrible cook), and he had big arms. Did I mention how much I loved his big arms? Anyway, he also mentioned that he owned his own fire inspection business and was very well off financially, which made him seem mature and stable. I was sure I had picked a winner this time! My coworkers, however, were not impressed. "He seems like a player", they warned me.

Not willing to have a repeat of Mr. Disney, I decided to do the obvious--google and background check that fool! Duh! Isn't that what any normal person would do? My boss began with a google search of his name which revealed that he did not own a business and that he worked for his father's company. Then we discovered the more than twenty different dating and pornographic websites he belonged to. He was a member of everything from Match.com to plentyoffish.com to BBW (Big, Beautiful Women) to Massage Traders, even a swingers website! I was disgusted.

Then we found the Facebook page, where we discovered his "diverse" interests. Girls Gone Wild, Playboy, Rachel's Gentlemen's Club. You'd think a man as hot as him wouldn't need to join all of these websites, but apparently looks aren't everything and dude has got some problems! So, being the newly strong and independent woman that I vowed I would be, I decided to confront him with my disturbing discoveries. He, of course, had an excuse for everything and blamed most of the accounts on his ex-girlfriend who liked to get a little "freaky" in the bedroom, which was supposed to explain away the swingers account. Red flags perhaps?

Realizing what a freak he was and the fact that he seemed interested in one thing--sex--should have been enough to convince me to cut my losses and walk away, but that wouldn't make for a very good blog post, now would it? So, I decided that I would give New York the benefit of the doubt and continue to get to know him better. The more I talked to him, the more uneasy I got. We would make plans to get together and hang out and everytime he would cancel on me last minute. The final straw was when we had made a date to get dinner and drinks after I got off of work. He was to drive over to my side of town (about thirty minutes) and we would meet on Park Avenue. I was so excited because we were finally going to meet after a month or so of chatting on the phone and via text. About an hour before I was to get off of work, he calls to tell me that he can't make it. I asked why and he proceeded to explain that he had a zit. A zit? You've got to be kidding me! I told him I didn't care about his acne issues. Jeez, and I thought I was shallow. He refused to meet after I continued to express how irritated I was becoming with the constant last minute cancellations. He apologized and I hung up on him.

The moral of the story--good looking men are good looking for a reason. Most of the time they are self-consumed and egotistical jerks that are too busy thinking about themselves and apparently the "big, beautiful women" they are unable to attain that they forget to be gentlemen and treat women with respect. I renewed my vow to find a nice, gentlemen that would be kind and loving towards me and would leave his ego at the door. I started to question my online adventure. Who would be willing to endure so much aggravation in an attempt to find true love? This girl...

Deuces, Mr. Disney!

So I woke up the next day, anxious to get to work and overwhelm my coworkers with the giddiness I felt in regards to my amazing date with Mr. Disney. I skipped from desk to desk, bouncing with excitement as I recapped the evening prior to my fellow coworkers. I knew everyone would fall head over heels for him, just as I had. Silly girl, this isn't a fairytale. This is reality. You gotta come crashing down sometime....

I waited all day to hear from him. The hours passed agonizingly slow. I grew tiresome waiting for him to text me. What would I do? Text him, of course. Desperate girl, you look pathetic now. Get a grip! He kindly responded with "I'd love to see you tonight, but I know we'd just end up [insert expletive word here]." I was shocked. That is not what I planned to happen on this fine evening. I just wanted to spend more time getting to know more about him. He seemed so perfect and I wanted to know more. I quickly reiterated that I was not looking for a fling, which he responded with "Bye." Bye? Bye what? Bye, bye blacksheep, have you any fur? Or Bye, Bye, Bye *NSync wannabe telling me to kiss off? It felt like an eternity before he would finally contact me again with that life changing text message.

"You know, you're a really sweet girl and I like you and all, but the physical attraction is just not there. Bye." Hold on, time out. Wait, what?! The physical attraction is just not there? Ahem, I'm sorry, did you not just ask me to come over tonight and fornicate with you, or did I misunderstand that text message? First came the anger and how dare you say something so logically ridiculous to me, you stupid boy. Cue the self-esteem issues. Am I ugly? What's wrong with me? I think I'm pretty. Why doesn't he? Last but not least, the self-pity. "Ben and Jerry are the only men I need!" Tissues anyone?

I was devastated. What had I done wrong? This date was perfect. How could I have misread the signals so incredibly backwards? Obviously the attraction was there. We made out through all of Captain America for goodness sake, though that wasn't really hard. It was a lame movie, I think. I don't know, I wasn't watching, but it was probably pretty lame. This boy had me at hello and completely took advantage of that. He knew that I was very interested in him, mainly because I essentially gave him my ring size (not really, but jeez, I might as well have). I wanted him and I wanted him to want me back.

Mr. Disney would set the tone for the rest of my dating life. I would no longer be that needy girl. I will no longer cling to a guy in hopes that I will end my somber, lonesome life. I am a strong, independent single mother and I don't need a man. I can take care of my children and myself just fine, thank you very much. The moral of the story is too much too soon will push a man away. The next moral of the story is if you ain't giving it up, 9 times out of 10, you ain't getting the man. I guess we've all been there a time or two, but what happened to these love stories I grew up watching? Don't they exist? Tell me they do. I guess Mr. Disney is right. Maybe I'm not "physically attractive" enough to find a man that would want to make me feel special or I guess, in their minds, that's all I'm good for.

"I'll bounce back from this," I continued to tell myself, as I stuffed my face with another pint of Ben & Jerry's. "I'm fine. This didn't phase me. I'm awesome!" Less than a minute later, I'm in the bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably questioning my very existence. And let the pity party begin. Match.com, please find me a man! I'm desperate!

Introducing Mr. Disney

We start our journey seven months ago, when a friend convinced me that the only way to find the man of my dreams is through [insert drum roll here]--online dating! Yes, that would be the answer to my problems. Why on earth did I not think of such a ridiculous concept? I had seen the advertisements for Match.com and eHarmony, but never paid much attention. Nobody finds "true love" online, so why go through the process of looking pathetic and desperate? I am a young, beautiful prize (perhaps I'm exaggerating a smidge). Any man would be lucky to have me!

Needless to say my desperation overcame my ego and I relentlessly signed up for Match.com. I underwent the long, tedious process of answering personality quizzes and writing honest autobiographies about the undying love I was seeking. Hopefully this  adventure would work and I would find a perfect man to share in my perfect life. I suppose my ego could use a little smashing. eh?

And so the emails poured in as I scoured through the never ending circuit of profiles. Most guys look nothing like their pictures, therefore you learn to ask "How recent are your pictures?" and wait for the "Oh, well, um, that one is from three years ago" response. The best is when you specifically state on your profile that you are twenty-two years old and you receive the emails from the older than dirt men. I've received some very disturbing emails throughout this experience. I'd have to say the best email was from a forty-nine year old man with a blank subject line. Not realizing his age, I opened the email to find one sentence--"I want to dominate you." Oh, online dating, how I love you. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how it went.


However, I have managed to meet a few men throughout these months and I am about to virtually seduce you into reliving these dates with me. Through online dating, you tend to talk to a few people at one time. In order to keep up with all of them and remember who they all were, I assigned them nicknames. It's actually a pretty ingenius idea and has worked quite well. The first on our list is a man I like to call Disney....

Mr. Disney was a kind man when we first started speaking. He seemed very sweet and quite charming. We had a lot in common, especially in terms of what we were looking for in a relationship. He's a chef, which was perfect because I am not domesticated and though I am able to cook, it isn't always edible. He's in his early twenties and has a two year son, which made him even more attractive because he could understand my lifestyle with my own children. The fact that he was absolutely gorgeous with a chiseled body didn't hurt either. It seemed like a match made in heaven. We spent a week exchanging emails, texts, and phone calls before planning our first date. He decided on Downtown Disney. I was quite impressed with his unique date idea.

Normally guys suggest dinner and a movie, which should be a clue to all you naive ladies out there (myself included). A guy invites you to a movie on the first date as a way to "snuggle up close to your..... bosom." There is no way to get to know a person during a movie, so be smart. If he offers to go to the movies, run away. Unless of course you want to be that girl and then by all means, go get snuggly, but don't be offended when he wants to snuggle... naked.

So, I drove myself to Downtown Disney, because you never get in the car with strangers! Didn't your momma teach you that? I arrived about fifteen minutes early and for whatever reason, I was beyond nervous! I called my boss and vented my nerves to her indifferent ear. I took one last hit of my cigarette, my hand still shaking, and started walking towards the entrance. A million thoughts were racing through my head. Would he like me? Am I pretty enough? Am I dressed okay? Do I smell good? Gosh, I wish my boobs were bigger... My thoughts were interrupted because my eyes had captured him. To my surprise, he was as attractive in person as he was in his pictures. We exchanged hugs and started walking around and talking. It seemed so perfect and serene. I thought I was in this magical world and everything was falling into place. Could I have really met my potential match this soon, with my first date? Well, then he offered to take me to the movies! Yes, I said it, the movies. Normally, my brain would have warned me and I would have steered clear of this offer (no, that's a lie, I still would have gone), but I figured since the date was going so perfectly, why end it now? Plus, he's gorgeous and I wouldn't mind a little smooch session in the dark.

We went to the AMC theatre and watched Captain America. I honestly have no idea what happened during the movie because we were kissing. Did you think I was going to watch Captain America? Get real. Although I would not allow it go any further than kissing, he seemed fine with that. He had expressed much interest in our previous phone calls when it came to sexual things, but I was not going to approach that tonight or any time soon. After the movie, we walked to our cars. Before he left, he picked up me and kissed me. It was beautiful and made me feel so magical. I had my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, and his arms around mine, as we kissed. I know it sounds like the movies, but it really did happen this way. I had never met a guy who could make me feel so special. I knew this had potential and I was ready to let my guard down and experience this kind of love.

We exchanged a few text messages after our date and everything seemed great. I sent him the dreaded desperate girl text, where I spilled my heart about how amazing the date was and how much I enjoyed myself and I hope he felt the same way. Next thing I know, I receive a response telling me about how he liked me but wasn't sure about "the two kids and smoking", even though he knew about both topics prior to any conversations on the phone or in person. Completely thrown for a loop, I stayed up all night, and I mean all night pondering this text and realizing that I allowed myself to become that girl. I gave way too much information about myself up front. I have always been overly honest and tell my life story within the first five minutes of knowing someone. I realized that this tends to push people away. All I wanted was to be loved, but I think I may have pushed him away instead. It's okay to be lonesome and want to find that love, but to be desperate and pushy is the biggest turn-off, or so I've been told. So I decided to leave it alone and contact him in the morning. I had no idea the turmoil and heart wrenching pain Mr. Disney would cause me on the following day, but it changed my life in a way that I never expected.

Mr. Disney Part 2, To Be Continued. Stay Tuned!

Love in the Real World... Sort Of

I know I shouldn't, but I am that stereotypical "teeny-bopper" girl who is way too old to fall in love with vampires. My gosh, can you blame a girl? Edward Cullen is the the ultimate man. Not only does he sparkle, which makes him even more appealing (don't ask because, quite frankly, we really have no idea why), but he also manages to be a gentleman, remaining true to his old-fashioned morals and values. He treats Bella like the queen that she is as he serenades her with his poetic words of love and desire. He protects her from all evil, even at the cost of his life, if need be. Who could ask for anything more?

I know I say this at the risk of sounding completely unrealistic and far too old to continue to believe in such childish fairytales, but what if it's real? What if love like this does exist? Perhaps society has been too brainwashing, telling us to focus on "the real world" and to get our "heads out of the clouds", but quite frankly, I like my clouds and I think I'll keep them. I need something to believe in. I have been single for the past nine months after a nasty break up with the father of my children. I am now a single mother of two under two and incredibly lonely. I cannot believe that I will be spending the rest of my days changing diapers, wiping boogers, and toting backpacks. There has to be more than this life and to me than "mommy". Who is Morgan and what does Morgan want?

Morgan wants to find love. I want a man that will love my children and me unconditionally. I want a protector, a lover, a man that will fight for me. I'm tired of the games, the drama, and the one night stands. Has all value that was once placed on love been lost in the scuffle of life and the gratification of meaningless fornication? I still believe in the fairytale, though I haven't had much luck in finding my own. Come along on this journey to finding Mr. Right. I wonder how many frogs I'll really have to kiss. This could get very interesting....