Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Deuces, Mr. Disney!

So I woke up the next day, anxious to get to work and overwhelm my coworkers with the giddiness I felt in regards to my amazing date with Mr. Disney. I skipped from desk to desk, bouncing with excitement as I recapped the evening prior to my fellow coworkers. I knew everyone would fall head over heels for him, just as I had. Silly girl, this isn't a fairytale. This is reality. You gotta come crashing down sometime....


I waited all day to hear from him. The hours passed agonizingly slow. I grew tiresome waiting for him to text me. What would I do? Text him, of course. Desperate girl, you look pathetic now. Get a grip! He kindly responded with "I'd love to see you tonight, but I know we'd just end up [insert expletive word here]." I was shocked. That is not what I planned to happen on this fine evening. I just wanted to spend more time getting to know more about him. He seemed so perfect and I wanted to know more. I quickly reiterated that I was not looking for a fling, which he responded with "Bye." Bye? Bye what? Bye, bye blacksheep, have you any fur? Or Bye, Bye, Bye *NSync wannabe telling me to kiss off? It felt like an eternity before he would finally contact me again with that life changing text message.

"You know, you're a really sweet girl and I like you and all, but the physical attraction is just not there. Bye." Hold on, time out. Wait, what?! The physical attraction is just not there? Ahem, I'm sorry, did you not just ask me to come over tonight and fornicate with you, or did I misunderstand that text message? First came the anger and how dare you say something so logically ridiculous to me, you stupid boy. Cue the self-esteem issues. Am I ugly? What's wrong with me? I think I'm pretty. Why doesn't he? Last but not least, the self-pity. "Ben and Jerry are the only men I need!" Tissues anyone?

I was devastated. What had I done wrong? This date was perfect. How could I have misread the signals so incredibly backwards? Obviously the attraction was there. We made out through all of Captain America for goodness sake, though that wasn't really hard. It was a lame movie, I think. I don't know, I wasn't watching, but it was probably pretty lame. This boy had me at hello and completely took advantage of that. He knew that I was very interested in him, mainly because I essentially gave him my ring size (not really, but jeez, I might as well have). I wanted him and I wanted him to want me back.

Mr. Disney would set the tone for the rest of my dating life. I would no longer be that needy girl. I will no longer cling to a guy in hopes that I will end my somber, lonesome life. I am a strong, independent single mother and I don't need a man. I can take care of my children and myself just fine, thank you very much. The moral of the story is too much too soon will push a man away. The next moral of the story is if you ain't giving it up, 9 times out of 10, you ain't getting the man. I guess we've all been there a time or two, but what happened to these love stories I grew up watching? Don't they exist? Tell me they do. I guess Mr. Disney is right. Maybe I'm not "physically attractive" enough to find a man that would want to make me feel special or I guess, in their minds, that's all I'm good for.

"I'll bounce back from this," I continued to tell myself, as I stuffed my face with another pint of Ben & Jerry's. "I'm fine. This didn't phase me. I'm awesome!" Less than a minute later, I'm in the bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably questioning my very existence. And let the pity party begin. Match.com, please find me a man! I'm desperate!

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