New York

Still reeling from my heartbreak Mr. Disney felt the need to instill upon me, I decided to give it another go. This time I would not allow myself to fall for the charm and good looks. I would choose a wise and humble man. Well, it sounded like a good concept, right? I thought so too, until Match.com introduced me to a man I like to call New York.


Well, maybe just his arms...



New York was a very large man and when I say large, I mean muscular. I don't think he knew what a neck is because he didn't have one. He was so big. His arms were huge and that is when I discovered my hidden "big arm" fetish. I guess you had to see them. Again, I told myself that I would not fall for the stereotypical good looking, egotistical man that would surely break my heart. However, I being the desperate and somewhat shallow girl that I am, initiated the interaction via the website's "wink" system and let him know that I was interested.

Shortly after the contact, I received a wink back. Cue the self-sabotage. Before I was to pursue this relationship any further, I decided it best to consult with my coworkers. I showed them his picture and how sweet he seemed. He was thirty-two, originally from New York (hence the nickname), a football fanatic, loved the Food Show Network (so do I, even though I'm a terrible cook), and he had big arms. Did I mention how much I loved his big arms? Anyway, he also mentioned that he owned his own fire inspection business and was very well off financially, which made him seem mature and stable. I was sure I had picked a winner this time! My coworkers, however, were not impressed. "He seems like a player", they warned me.

Not willing to have a repeat of Mr. Disney, I decided to do the obvious--google and background check that fool! Duh! Isn't that what any normal person would do? My boss began with a google search of his name which revealed that he did not own a business and that he worked for his father's company. Then we discovered the more than twenty different dating and pornographic websites he belonged to. He was a member of everything from Match.com to plentyoffish.com to BBW (Big, Beautiful Women) to Massage Traders, even a swingers website! I was disgusted.

Then we found the Facebook page, where we discovered his "diverse" interests. Girls Gone Wild, Playboy, Rachel's Gentlemen's Club. You'd think a man as hot as him wouldn't need to join all of these websites, but apparently looks aren't everything and dude has got some problems! So, being the newly strong and independent woman that I vowed I would be, I decided to confront him with my disturbing discoveries. He, of course, had an excuse for everything and blamed most of the accounts on his ex-girlfriend who liked to get a little "freaky" in the bedroom, which was supposed to explain away the swingers account. Red flags perhaps?

Realizing what a freak he was and the fact that he seemed interested in one thing--sex--should have been enough to convince me to cut my losses and walk away, but that wouldn't make for a very good blog post, now would it? So, I decided that I would give New York the benefit of the doubt and continue to get to know him better. The more I talked to him, the more uneasy I got. We would make plans to get together and hang out and everytime he would cancel on me last minute. The final straw was when we had made a date to get dinner and drinks after I got off of work. He was to drive over to my side of town (about thirty minutes) and we would meet on Park Avenue. I was so excited because we were finally going to meet after a month or so of chatting on the phone and via text. About an hour before I was to get off of work, he calls to tell me that he can't make it. I asked why and he proceeded to explain that he had a zit. A zit? You've got to be kidding me! I told him I didn't care about his acne issues. Jeez, and I thought I was shallow. He refused to meet after I continued to express how irritated I was becoming with the constant last minute cancellations. He apologized and I hung up on him.

The moral of the story--good looking men are good looking for a reason. Most of the time they are self-consumed and egotistical jerks that are too busy thinking about themselves and apparently the "big, beautiful women" they are unable to attain that they forget to be gentlemen and treat women with respect. I renewed my vow to find a nice, gentlemen that would be kind and loving towards me and would leave his ego at the door. I started to question my online adventure. Who would be willing to endure so much aggravation in an attempt to find true love? This girl...